so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
