sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
