didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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