I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
