just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
