This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She's the barista slut.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
