Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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