Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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