What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
