If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
