How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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