just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
MIDGETS
????
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
