I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
