Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
