So drunk its hurt
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
