After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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