I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
