it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The air taste purple.
Randomize
