Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
