Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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