Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
