I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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