Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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