Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
