just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
