Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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