me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
