You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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