she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
