What a fucking waste of an outfit
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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