dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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