Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
