I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
