3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
