I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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