Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
