I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
