If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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