I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
