Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
