Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
