Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
