Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This is the high leading the old right now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
