If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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