That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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