Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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