I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
