I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
