Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
