i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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