Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
