I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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