Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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