So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
