he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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