Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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