Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
